How couples fight is just as important as how they love, and it’s one of the most predictive factors for a successful relationship. All couples have conflict and will cause each other distress from time to time. There are two partners with different brains, two different personalities, many different moods, and many different thought patterns: what could possibly go wrong? Anything and everything. Many couples I see think that because they’re in love, they should never fight. And when they do, especially when they have that first major blow-up, they’re concerned there’s something wrong, even unrepairable, with their relationship. While this is true in some cases, more often it’s because couples don’t know how to communicate without inflicting harm.
Since conflict and distress are the norm, it’s essential that you learn to fight well and repair quickly. You’re far more likely to get what you want and prevent what you don’t. Arguments typically begin because you’re fighting for something. It’s possible to learn to fight well so you can handle any conflict that comes up in your relationship. Remember, you’re a two-person psychological system, so you move in tandem as in a three-legged race — and, if not, you lose. This applies to all aspects as you live life together, including fighting.